Pitch Workshop - Elizabeth's 55k YA Contemporary

Pitch Workshop - Elizabeth's 55k YA Contemporary

Welcome to the Pitch Workshop with Brenda Drake, Shelley Watters, and me!

Here's how we're going to play: 

Every day for the net ten days, each of us will be posting two pitches/150 word excerpts from the brave participants to our blogs. We will provide a critique, and then all of you, if you would like, can also critique the entry in the comments.

My rules if you are going to critique: Be nice. Provide constructive criticism. Don't just say, "this sucks" or "this isn't working for me." Instead, say what exactly isn't working and offer a suggestion to help make it work. Any mean comments will be deleted. You know how it feels to receive critiques, so play fair.  One of the best things we can do to help our own writing is to critique the work of others. It helps us to look at our own work with a critical eye.

If you have time, don't forget to head over to Brenda's and Shelley's blogs to see/comment on their critiques as well. 

Remember, this event is in preparation for our big pitch event coming up in march, so even if you didn't make it into the workshop, read the posts, critique, play along, and it can help you for the upcoming epic event!

So, onto the entries! My comments are in [blue].

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Name: Elizabeth
Title: The Simple Truth
Genre: YA Contemporary Romance
Word count: 55,000

Pitch: Johnny thought getting his violations (beaten and branded) out of a gang was the worst thing imaginable, but falling for the daughter of the woman who helps him get off the streets is way worse. [I really like this and how it compares the harsh gang life to love.  Everyone can imagine both scenarios clearly and it sets up the emotional aspect of the story.]

Excerpt:
Johnny Castro didn’t consider himself a coward for running from the two men chasing him. He’d been running for most his life, so this was no big shocker. Seeing these two fools while canvassing the city for squatting rights, however, was a big shocker. Johnny He had hoped to make some extra cash playing his guitar at Union Station before catching sight of thing one and thing two. He’d known them since they’d recruited him in the Two-Six four years ago when he’d been thirteen. It was either join or become something akin to road-kill. They should’ve given up on the gang life a long time ago, having survived beyond puberty. [LOTS of backstory here. Is it really necessary to give all of this information RIGHT NOW?]

Johnny would’ve stopped to face them, but this breed didn’t play by old-school rules. These fools had guns. He’d read the Outsiders three times and it still cracked him up. He almost wished he’d lived in those days when even gangs had a code of honor.

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Okay commenters! Your turn! Remember, the critiquing rules: be nice, provide constructive criticism.