March Madness Agent Pitch Match!

March Madness Agent Pitch Match!

It's almost time for the exciting March Madness Agent Pitch Match! Shelley Watters, Brenda Drake, and I are hosting this exciting event on our sites March 12-14. So far we have half a dozen agents signed up to participate. The agents we have are looking for young adult and middle grade finished manuscripts.

Here's how it's going down ...

The agents will be bidding on your 35-word pitch and the first 150 words of your finished young adult and middle grade novels. The entries that make it into the match will be posted to our sites on March 12. The agents will have two days to review the entries and make notes on the ones they want.

On March 14 it's Game On. We'll have a twitter hash tag for the agents to post their bids and taunt their competitors. The agents will be hashing it out to win more pages or fulls on their favorite pitches. Each agent will have a limited amount of tickets/chips to bid with - partials cost less while fulls cost more. We'll have an official rules post before the fun begins.

Here's how to submit ...

Those of you who participated in our February pitch workshop already have a spot in the submission round. Shine up your pitches and send them to brendadrakecontests@gmail.com starting now and by the end of February 29 at 11:59PM EST. Put who critiqued your pitch in the subject line like this: Brenda's Workshop March Madness Entry or Shelley's Workshop March Madness Entry or Cassandra's Workshop March Madness Entry. Remember only enter if yours is a young adult or middle grade finished manuscript. Please format just as you did for the pitch workshop. (For those of you with other manuscripts, we're working on having a contest for you in the near future so keep an eye out on our blogs.)

Only one entry per person.

For those who weren't in the pitch workshop, we will have two submission times on March 2.

1ST SUBMISSION TIME: 12:00 pm (NOON) EST for the first 50.
2ND SUBMISSION TIME: 6:00 pm EST for the next 50. 

If you're busy March 2, check out lettermelater.com!

Only the best of the best will make it the final round.

Make sure to check our sites on March 1 for instructions on how to format your entries.

That's it. We're so excited!

Pitch Workshop Winner!

Pitch Workshop Winner!

All of the pitches have been workshopped and Shelley Watters, Brenda Drake, and I have picked our door prize winners! Be sure to check out their blogs to see if you've won their door prize!

If you missed getting into the 60 slots or didn't get your entry in on time, be sure to check back in the posts and shine up your pitches for the big event coming in March! Details to come!

The winner (by Random.org) of the door prize (a $35 gift certificate to EditorCassandra.com) on my site is...

Miranda Hardy!

Please email me to claim your prize!

Pitch Workshop: J.W.'s 76k Fantasy

Pitch Workshop: J.W.'s 76k Fantasy

Welcome to the Pitch Workshop with Brenda Drake, Shelley Watters, and me!

Here's how we're going to play: 

Until February 18th, each of us will be posting pitches/150 word excerpts from the brave participants to our blogs. We will provide a critique, and then all of you, if you would like, can also critique the entry in the comments.

My rules if you are going to critique: Be nice. Provide constructive criticism. Don't just say, "this sucks" or "this isn't working for me." Instead, say what exactly isn't working and offer a suggestion to help make it work. Any mean comments will be deleted. You know how it feels to receive critiques, so play fair.  One of the best things we can do to help our own writing is to critique the work of others. It helps us to look at our own work with a critical eye.

If you have time, don't forget to head over to Brenda's and Shelley's blogs to see/comment on their critiques as well. 

Remember, this event is in preparation for our big pitch event coming up in march, so even if you didn't make it into the workshop, read the posts, critique, play along, and it can help you for the upcoming epic event!

So, onto the entries! My comments are in [blue].

*** 

Name: J.W. Parente
Title: Bond of Darkness
Genre: Fantasy
Word Count: 76,000 words

Pitch: A young mage seeks to avenge his father’s murder, but in the process learns his personal vendetta may see to the genocide of his magus order, and at the hands of someone close to him. [I feel like I've read this before, I don't see anything new that draws my interest. Maybe you could focus on a plot point that shows a bit more of your character and makes it a little less vague?]

Excerpt:

People these days seem to favor the expression, “Born in a world long since destroyed.” It’s bullshit, most of them blowhards who complain about being normal. The majority of them are Humes who only know day trades. The others are the hybrids that have come to the Motherplane. You see, I’ve been taught one thing about my superiors. That said, I’m still young, so I suppose my opinion wouldn’t much qualify to someone arguing with me. [Who is this person talking to?]

However, I do know how to defend my own kind if it comes to it. We’re a strong number, the mages of the Affinity, but therein is the source of the Humes' expression. They think we’re too powerful who be given the type of reverence we see. They think we expect too much adoration for keeping Elyserian running properly. The truth is they don’t know half as much as I would care, but then they’re only granted to know what they can’t use to disassemble us. [This sounds like too much backstory, too much of the local lingo without enough introduction or balance with stuff we already know. Do you need to tell us all this right from the get go? And again, who is this person talking to?]

***

Okay commenters! Your turn! Remember, the critiquing rules: be nice, provide constructive criticism.

Pitch Workshop: Huntress's 100k Fantasy

Pitch Workshop: Huntress's 100k Fantasy

Welcome to the Pitch Workshop with Brenda Drake, Shelley Watters, and me!

Here's how we're going to play: 

Until February 18th, each of us will be posting pitches/150 word excerpts from the brave participants to our blogs. We will provide a critique, and then all of you, if you would like, can also critique the entry in the comments.

My rules if you are going to critique: Be nice. Provide constructive criticism. Don't just say, "this sucks" or "this isn't working for me." Instead, say what exactly isn't working and offer a suggestion to help make it work. Any mean comments will be deleted. You know how it feels to receive critiques, so play fair.  One of the best things we can do to help our own writing is to critique the work of others. It helps us to look at our own work with a critical eye.

If you have time, don't forget to head over to Brenda's and Shelley's blogs to see/comment on their critiques as well. 

Remember, this event is in preparation for our big pitch event coming up in march, so even if you didn't make it into the workshop, read the posts, critique, play along, and it can help you for the upcoming epic event!

So, onto the entries! My comments are in [blue].

*** 

Name: Huntress
Title: The Adamant
Genre: Contemporary Fantasy
Word Count: 100 K

Pitch: A sentient relic made from the horn of a unicorn believes Shamira Kelley is its willing acolyte but possession doesn’t sit well [Can we break the sentence here? I just feel like it's a lot to take in in one sentence.]  and she fights the relic and those who would use it against mankind. [How can it be used against mankind? And who wants to use it? I like the unique idea of this one, it just seems a little vague.]

Excerpt: 

His lazy strides across the mall caught my attention. Like he had time to kill and everyone else could wait at his leisure. Most galling was how people moved out of his way. No glares. No commotion.

He appeared to be about my age, early twenties with black hair that curled just below the collar of his white shirt, height under six feet. With the body of a dancer, slender waist, and broad shoulders, his physique should have been drawing stares. But that wasn’t what piqued my interest. What set me off was his arrogance. Not his looks. Totally secondary. I barely noticed. Really.

Glances from the people in the crowded mall slid off, went around him like light bending around the source.

“Will you look at that,” I said to Olive, my former guardian. 

She turned away from matching towels, threw me a hard look, and shot a quick glance around us.

***

Okay commenters! Your turn! Remember, the critiquing rules: be nice, provide constructive criticism.

Pitch Workshop: Angela's 100k Women's

Pitch Workshop: Angela's 100k Women's

Welcome to the Pitch Workshop with Brenda Drake, Shelley Watters, and me!

Here's how we're going to play: 

Until February 18th, each of us will be posting pitches/150 word excerpts from the brave participants to our blogs. We will provide a critique, and then all of you, if you would like, can also critique the entry in the comments.

My rules if you are going to critique: Be nice. Provide constructive criticism. Don't just say, "this sucks" or "this isn't working for me." Instead, say what exactly isn't working and offer a suggestion to help make it work. Any mean comments will be deleted. You know how it feels to receive critiques, so play fair.  One of the best things we can do to help our own writing is to critique the work of others. It helps us to look at our own work with a critical eye.

If you have time, don't forget to head over to Brenda's and Shelley's blogs to see/comment on their critiques as well. 

Remember, this event is in preparation for our big pitch event coming up in march, so even if you didn't make it into the workshop, read the posts, critique, play along, and it can help you for the upcoming epic event!

So, onto the entries! My comments are in [blue].

*** 

Name: Angela
Title: Baggage
Genre: chicklit/women's fiction
Word count: 100,000

Pitch: Virginia Dawson's life is a mess—literally.  [I feel like this first sentence evokes those cliche "woman's life is a mess" tropes, and I don't want your book getting stuck in that pigeonhole. How about adding her name to the next sentence to making it, "Living as a Hoarder, Virginia Dawson, has adapted to her..." Living as a hoarder, she has adapted to her organized chaos. Until she falls for Daniel. Can Virginia clean up her act before her secret is revealed?  [It's better to steer clear of rhetorical questions. I'd rather see something here that gives a plot point, like she has eight hours before he arrives at her house before dinner or something.]

Excerpt:

I could possibly be a millionaire right now and I’m about to be crushed to death, how ironic.  [How is that ironic?]

Today’s topic on “Abigail in the Afternoon” was how to become rich by simply selling your stuff. It’s brilliant really; sell stuff you no longer need to people desperately seeking it. Apparently, people scavenge through yard sales and flea markets searching for those rare finds. And I have one of them! In one of these six, err, seven boxes is my own little stash of cash—a Little Kimmy doll!

Today’s guest has informed me that my Little Kimmy doll is worth a small fortune. Kimmy, in her red polka-dotted sundress with matching hat, is rare and in high demand. Of course, The Expert did say there are two versions of the doll—the other, which is mass-produced and worthless—is wearing a pink polka-dotted dress with no hat, but I distinctly remember playing with the red polka-dotted version like it was yesterday.  [Oh, I really do like this!]

***

Okay commenters! Your turn! Remember, the critiquing rules: be nice, provide constructive criticism.

Pitch Workshop: Sharon's 90k Fantasy

Pitch Workshop: Sharon's 90k Fantasy

Welcome to the Pitch Workshop with Brenda Drake, Shelley Watters, and me!

Here's how we're going to play: 

Until February 18th, each of us will be posting pitches/150 word excerpts from the brave participants to our blogs. We will provide a critique, and then all of you, if you would like, can also critique the entry in the comments.

My rules if you are going to critique: Be nice. Provide constructive criticism. Don't just say, "this sucks" or "this isn't working for me." Instead, say what exactly isn't working and offer a suggestion to help make it work. Any mean comments will be deleted. You know how it feels to receive critiques, so play fair.  One of the best things we can do to help our own writing is to critique the work of others. It helps us to look at our own work with a critical eye.

If you have time, don't forget to head over to Brenda's and Shelley's blogs to see/comment on their critiques as well. 

Remember, this event is in preparation for our big pitch event coming up in march, so even if you didn't make it into the workshop, read the posts, critique, play along, and it can help you for the upcoming epic event!

So, onto the entries! My comments are in [blue].

*** 

Name: Sharon Bayliss
Title: Destruction
Genre: Upmarket Contemporary Fantasy 

Word Count: 90,000

Pitch: When David’s missing children are found, they claim that their abuser had been a dark wizard. The case manager believes they use this fairy tale to cope with their trauma, but David suspects otherwise.  [Wow, I really like this one! All sorts of implied things and just enough details to set the scene! Well done!]

Excerpt:

David never ignored calls from unknown numbers. The only times he didn’t answer unknowns were in church, in important business meetings, and while making love to his wife. Any phone call could be the one he had been waiting to receive for the past eleven years. 

The call came when David was lying in bed with Amanda watching television. She was asleep with her head on his arm. His fingers were tingling from the weight of her head cutting off his circulation, but he didn’t push her away. Not quite yet. This was the only time in the day when she slowed down enough that he could see the blond tips of eyelashes or the freckles between her breasts. No one else noticed these things, perhaps not even Amanda herself. They were David's alone.

When his phone rang on the nightstand, Amanda opened her eyes again. He reached for it without having to think about it.

***

Okay commenters! Your turn! Remember, the critiquing rules: be nice, provide constructive criticism.

Pitch Workshop: Kira's 70k YA Para/Fantasy

Pitch Workshop: Kira's 70k YA Para/Fantasy

Welcome to the Pitch Workshop with Brenda Drake, Shelley Watters, and me!

Here's how we're going to play: 

Until February 18th, each of us will be posting pitches/150 word excerpts from the brave participants to our blogs. We will provide a critique, and then all of you, if you would like, can also critique the entry in the comments.

My rules if you are going to critique: Be nice. Provide constructive criticism. Don't just say, "this sucks" or "this isn't working for me." Instead, say what exactly isn't working and offer a suggestion to help make it work. Any mean comments will be deleted. You know how it feels to receive critiques, so play fair.  One of the best things we can do to help our own writing is to critique the work of others. It helps us to look at our own work with a critical eye.

If you have time, don't forget to head over to Brenda's and Shelley's blogs to see/comment on their critiques as well. 

Remember, this event is in preparation for our big pitch event coming up in march, so even if you didn't make it into the workshop, read the posts, critique, play along, and it can help you for the upcoming epic event!

So, onto the entries! My comments are in [blue].

*** 

Name: Kira Decker
Title: Ravens Resonance
Genre: YA Paranormal Fantasy
Word Count: 70,000 

Pitch: Alexander, the Duke's heir, and his blood brother Mitchell, must survive learning court etiquette, a corrupt minder, and the emergence of forbidden powers. [What sorts of powers?] Psibilities[I wasn't sure which word you meant here. Possibilities? Abilities? Is Psibilities a word you made up? If so, I think it needs a bit of an explanation. Either way, the strangeness of the word is distracting and I completely forget about what the plot was.] that will get them burned alive if discovered to soon. [Why?]

Excerpt:

“Auugh!”

Finally! Mitchell Maethers didn’t even slow his horse when he heard the strangled yell. He knew the strap that he had weakened on Lord Byron Grismoore’s saddle had finally broken. This was their chance to get away and spend some time by themselves.

“Come on Xander, kick it!”

“But what if he’s hurt?” Alexander Freeman slowed his horse just slightly, forcing Mitchell to do the same. He didn’t like the minder any more than Mitchell did, but he would never intentionally leave someone behind that was hurt.

“You insufferable brats! Get back here right now!” Lord Byron screamed at them in his high screechy voice. A voice only the two boys ever heard. “How dare you sabotage my saddle. When I get my hands…!”

“Does that sound like he’s hurt?” Mitchell quipped.

“No, just really pissed! Let’s go.” Alexander spurred Crossfire, but Mitchell galloped out in front of him, laughing at beating him off the mark.

***

Okay commenters! Your turn! Remember, the critiquing rules: be nice, provide constructive criticism.

Pitch Workshop: Toni's 68k YA Paranormal

Pitch Workshop: Toni's 68k YA Paranormal

Welcome to the Pitch Workshop with Brenda Drake, Shelley Watters, and me!

Here's how we're going to play: 

Until February 18th, each of us will be posting pitches/150 word excerpts from the brave participants to our blogs. We will provide a critique, and then all of you, if you would like, can also critique the entry in the comments.

My rules if you are going to critique: Be nice. Provide constructive criticism. Don't just say, "this sucks" or "this isn't working for me." Instead, say what exactly isn't working and offer a suggestion to help make it work. Any mean comments will be deleted. You know how it feels to receive critiques, so play fair.  One of the best things we can do to help our own writing is to critique the work of others. It helps us to look at our own work with a critical eye.

If you have time, don't forget to head over to Brenda's and Shelley's blogs to see/comment on their critiques as well. 

Remember, this event is in preparation for our big pitch event coming up in march, so even if you didn't make it into the workshop, read the posts, critique, play along, and it can help you for the upcoming epic event!

So, onto the entries! My comments are in [blue].

*** 

Name: Toni Picker
Title: Bounty
Genre: YA paranormal romance
Word count: 68,000

Pitch: Rinn Grace is forced to take over her family’s bounty hunting business after her father disappears.[I love this first sentence, what a great hook!] She soon questions what makes an angel fallen when new kid Urie Larch becomes her next assignment. [What do fallen angels have to do with bounty hunting? There seems to be a disconnect between the two sentences. You can remove the last names of the characters to give yourself two extra words, too.]

Excerpt:

On the night of my seventh birthday, I watched my dad drain a man of all his blood. At least I thought it was a man. Hidden under a desk, in the locked study I was never supposed to set foot inside, Dad pulled a silver dagger from the man's chest before the man collapsed onto the floor. A pungent, sulfur-scented liquid pooled around his body. The skin sunk in, each passing moment sucked another ounce of life out of the man, condensing the cadaverous bones, until it was completely dry. Then the body disappeared. [Be aware of how many times you use the phrase 'the man' in this paragraph.]

As I descend the stairs tonight, my father whispers, “Wow.” He’s leaving the study just in time to see me before the dance, slipping the long skeleton key into his pocket. Years have passed but that memory still haunts me. The heel of my right shoe nearly catches on the step but I recover my balance, grabbing the railing for support. 

***

Okay commenters! Your turn! Remember, the critiquing rules: be nice, provide constructive criticism.

Pitch Workshop - Miranda's 63k YA Horror

Pitch Workshop - Miranda's 63k YA Horror

Welcome to the Pitch Workshop with Brenda Drake, Shelley Watters, and me!

Here's how we're going to play: 

Every day for the net ten days, each of us will be posting two pitches/150 word excerpts from the brave participants to our blogs. We will provide a critique, and then all of you, if you would like, can also critique the entry in the comments.

My rules if you are going to critique: Be nice. Provide constructive criticism. Don't just say, "this sucks" or "this isn't working for me." Instead, say what exactly isn't working and offer a suggestion to help make it work. Any mean comments will be deleted. You know how it feels to receive critiques, so play fair.  One of the best things we can do to help our own writing is to critique the work of others. It helps us to look at our own work with a critical eye.

If you have time, don't forget to head over to Brenda's and Shelley's blogs to see/comment on their critiques as well. 

Remember, this event is in preparation for our big pitch event coming up in march, so even if you didn't make it into the workshop, read the posts, critique, play along, and it can help you for the upcoming epic event!

So, onto the entries! My comments are in [blue].

*** 

Name: Miranda Hardy
Title: Out of Body (working title) [Own your title, whatever it is]
Genre: YA Horror
Word Count: 63,215

Pitch: When Faith’s newfound ability brings her to witness a gruesome crime, she’s unable to prove it to anyone, but the murderer. She finds herself the object of a twisted game of hunter and prey. [The first part of this is vague, the second part cliche. Be specific about what the ability is. Be specific about what the crime is. Use the space the second sentence takes up to ramp up the tension.]

Excerpt: The first time I left my body, I visited the darkened beach form from my childhood. The ocean stretched out for miles and a few large birds floated with the stars.[love!] Hotels lighted the curving deserted and sandy shore.

As I neared the water’s edge, I wanted to run my toes through the wet mush when I realized my feet were not there. Fear griped me and I instantly snapped back into my body.

My chest tightened as I breathed in deeply and bolted upward in my bed. The photo album fell to the floor, falling open to the picture of twelve year old me on Myrtle Beach four years ago. The same beach I had just visited seconds before; the same beach that sat over 750 miles away. [So you've got this prologue. Yes it's kinda interesting and yes it's got some beautiful phrasing, but is it necessary? No. It doesn't effect the real opening scene and doesn't tell us anything that we can't find out later just the same.]
Next chapter: The rusty red locker slammed next to me and I jerked back, dropping my calculus book.

***

Okay commenters! Your turn! Remember, the critiquing rules: be nice, provide constructive criticism.

Pitch Workshop - R. Schieffelbein's YA Zombie Novella

Pitch Workshop - R. Schieffelbein's YA Zombie Novella

Welcome to the Pitch Workshop with Brenda Drake, Shelley Watters, and me!

Here's how we're going to play: 

Every day for the net ten days, each of us will be posting two pitches/150 word excerpts from the brave participants to our blogs. We will provide a critique, and then all of you, if you would like, can also critique the entry in the comments.

My rules if you are going to critique: Be nice. Provide constructive criticism. Don't just say, "this sucks" or "this isn't working for me." Instead, say what exactly isn't working and offer a suggestion to help make it work. Any mean comments will be deleted. You know how it feels to receive critiques, so play fair.  One of the best things we can do to help our own writing is to critique the work of others. It helps us to look at our own work with a critical eye.

If you have time, don't forget to head over to Brenda's and Shelley's blogs to see/comment on their critiques as well. 

Remember, this event is in preparation for our big pitch event coming up in march, so even if you didn't make it into the workshop, read the posts, critique, play along, and it can help you for the upcoming epic event!

So, onto the entries! My comments are in [blue].

*** 

Name: R. Schieffelbein
Title: Flesh-Eating Zombies and Evil Ex-Girlfriends
Genre: YA novella
Word Count: 30,000 words

Pitch: Erwin is in hell, locked in his high school with his ex and her obnoxious new boyfriend as zombies try to claw their way in. Can he leave the past behind to save himself? [I love love love the first sentence of this. I'd actually just leave it there. The rhetorical question at the end is cliche and takes all of that wonderful tension out.]

Excerpt: The carpet in the school library was rough against Erwin's cheek, but the uncomfortable floor had nothing to do with why he couldn't sleep. No one was sleeping. Everyone was lying there in silence, the fear and tension in the air so thick it reminded Erwin of movie scenes where the ceiling is coming down to crush everyone. The only difference, he thought, was that in the movies they always escape just in time.

It was hard to believe only a few hours ago he had been working out in the school gym. He remembered thinking, that this day couldn't possibly get any worse. He laughed at the thought now. Outside he heard another bang as whatever these things were, that used to be people, tried to claw and crash their way into the locked school. [Ooooh! Eeee! Yay zombies! Well done!]

***

Erwin was on his way to lunch when he saw them. Justin had Natalie pushed up against her faded orange locker, his tongue down her throat.

***

Okay commenters! Your turn! Remember, the critiquing rules: be nice, provide constructive criticism.

Pitch Workshop - Charity's 85k Sci-Fantasy

Pitch Workshop - Charity's 85k Sci-Fantasy

Welcome to the Pitch Workshop with Brenda Drake, Shelley Watters, and me!

Here's how we're going to play: 

Every day for the net ten days, each of us will be posting two pitches/150 word excerpts from the brave participants to our blogs. We will provide a critique, and then all of you, if you would like, can also critique the entry in the comments.

My rules if you are going to critique: Be nice. Provide constructive criticism. Don't just say, "this sucks" or "this isn't working for me." Instead, say what exactly isn't working and offer a suggestion to help make it work. Any mean comments will be deleted. You know how it feels to receive critiques, so play fair.  One of the best things we can do to help our own writing is to critique the work of others. It helps us to look at our own work with a critical eye.

If you have time, don't forget to head over to Brenda's and Shelley's blogs to see/comment on their critiques as well. 

Remember, this event is in preparation for our big pitch event coming up in march, so even if you didn't make it into the workshop, read the posts, critique, play along, and it can help you for the upcoming epic event!

So, onto the entries! My comments are in [blue].

*** 

Name: Charity Bradford
Title: SENDEK: THE MAGIC WAKES
Genre: Science Fantasy
Word Count: 85,000

35-word pitch: One woman must reconcile her hidden magical talents with her public scientific personality in order to prepare for an alien invasion. When science fails to save, magic becomes the only hope. [You give some great details, but they are a bit vague. What are her hidden magical talents? How does science fail to save whatever needs saving? Why is magic the only hope?]

Excerpt:
Damn. There was no way out of it. And no way to explain.

At moments like this, Talia wished she had opted for the smaller view screen. President Fielding loomed on the wall-sized unit in front of her with his gray hair and wrinkled eyes. She clenched her hands to keep them from trembling.

He had given in to her before. She had to try one more time.

“Sir, I’ve always worked remotely from my living room. There’s no need for me to move to Joharadin.”

“Miss Shannon, I don’t know why the Royalists are making a big deal out of this, but they say it must be face to face.” Fielding clasped his hands in front of him and leaned toward her from his desk. “We need you here. They can make the moon colony happen, but we have to play by their rules to get it.” 

“But if I—”

***

Okay commenters! Your turn! Remember, the critiquing rules: be nice, provide constructive criticism.

Pitch Workshop - Elizabeth's 55k YA Contemporary

Pitch Workshop - Elizabeth's 55k YA Contemporary

Welcome to the Pitch Workshop with Brenda Drake, Shelley Watters, and me!

Here's how we're going to play: 

Every day for the net ten days, each of us will be posting two pitches/150 word excerpts from the brave participants to our blogs. We will provide a critique, and then all of you, if you would like, can also critique the entry in the comments.

My rules if you are going to critique: Be nice. Provide constructive criticism. Don't just say, "this sucks" or "this isn't working for me." Instead, say what exactly isn't working and offer a suggestion to help make it work. Any mean comments will be deleted. You know how it feels to receive critiques, so play fair.  One of the best things we can do to help our own writing is to critique the work of others. It helps us to look at our own work with a critical eye.

If you have time, don't forget to head over to Brenda's and Shelley's blogs to see/comment on their critiques as well. 

Remember, this event is in preparation for our big pitch event coming up in march, so even if you didn't make it into the workshop, read the posts, critique, play along, and it can help you for the upcoming epic event!

So, onto the entries! My comments are in [blue].

*** 

Name: Elizabeth
Title: The Simple Truth
Genre: YA Contemporary Romance
Word count: 55,000

Pitch: Johnny thought getting his violations (beaten and branded) out of a gang was the worst thing imaginable, but falling for the daughter of the woman who helps him get off the streets is way worse. [I really like this and how it compares the harsh gang life to love.  Everyone can imagine both scenarios clearly and it sets up the emotional aspect of the story.]

Excerpt:
Johnny Castro didn’t consider himself a coward for running from the two men chasing him. He’d been running for most his life, so this was no big shocker. Seeing these two fools while canvassing the city for squatting rights, however, was a big shocker. Johnny He had hoped to make some extra cash playing his guitar at Union Station before catching sight of thing one and thing two. He’d known them since they’d recruited him in the Two-Six four years ago when he’d been thirteen. It was either join or become something akin to road-kill. They should’ve given up on the gang life a long time ago, having survived beyond puberty. [LOTS of backstory here. Is it really necessary to give all of this information RIGHT NOW?]

Johnny would’ve stopped to face them, but this breed didn’t play by old-school rules. These fools had guns. He’d read the Outsiders three times and it still cracked him up. He almost wished he’d lived in those days when even gangs had a code of honor.

***

Okay commenters! Your turn! Remember, the critiquing rules: be nice, provide constructive criticism.